2 the point.

Started a blog, and promptly wrote nothing in it for nearly a week. And largely, have only taken it up again because the idea of studying is abhorrent at the moment, and cuz P.Seth has been pushing the idea of journaling in the last two sermons of the new series. SO here I am, pretending to study but mostly sitting on gchat wishing I was in a relationship I'm nowhere near ready for, and generally just realizing there are about two weeks out of every month where I lose everything I learned or grew in in the previous two weeks.

I think I'm going crazy with this... and maybe this is just stubbornness, but I refuse to believe increased calcium intake is going to help that. Then again, I never gave it that much of a chance. But something in me thinks that by sheer pride and will power, I can overcome depression that has obviously been haunting me for years, and is so clearly tied to hormonal changes.

If there was every anything in my life that needed to be surrendered to God- it's this idea. How do I surrender that- because I'd love for someone to just take care of it... but then again, 'taking care of it' would have to be on my terms, wouldn't it?

Soooo stuck somewhere between toughing out the rough days in order to bring glory to God and not allowing any form of medication out of pride in my own strength. Or cowardice in letting go of control to a worldly solution...

not really sure on that one. everything in my life seems to be striving for a balance lately... and in my good days, I just want to use them to not focus on me for once. REALLY need to stop learning how to pity myself.

give me 1 good reason...

I know I started blogging over the summer for a completely different reason than I am now.. but I think it did inspire me in thinking more about what I write down. Writing in the paper journal, I've found some of the information becomes ramblings.. .and often a little upsetting in what I realize is coming out of my month (or pen in that sense)

So while I see that it's important to allow that catharsis sometimes, I'm thinking it's about time I actually THOUGHT about what I was writing every once in a while as well.

I'm short on time today, so we'll just leave it at that- and if that's not a good enough excuse, we'll use the 'conserving paper' one too. Though considering I've already got three blank journals waiting to be filled... it seems like it's too late to save those trees anyway.