Cover Letter

Dear company/organization,

I saw your position posted online and think I would be the perfect employee.

Just trust me on this one. Or read my resume,

And call me for an interview.

seriously. just trust me,

Rachael

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In my own very self-oriented way, I wish this cover letter would be enough.

But apparently I'm not the only person on the planet. Who knew?

a letter to a close friend

Hi Friend :) I originally intended this entry to be an email to a friend who is currently elsewhere. But I've been considering how best to share with everyone -with the limited time I've had-- about my decision process and why it is such a sudden decision.

I have shared with some about wanting to reconnect with my family, about preparing for grad school, about starting a new chapter in life, about finances and burdens and healing. All of these are true and pertinent. But I think there is something deeper connecting them all, and that's a little harder to share.

But I'm trying.
_______________

Dear ----------------

It is August 18th. and my BABY sister is turning 21 on Saturday. Holy crap.

For me, summer has gone really quickly- with fulltime work through June, then home for a week in July, then Excel-- and suddenly it is August and I move out in 18 days!! (this is past tense... though grammatically i know i'm way off right now)

So it is the first week of August... and I am struggling because... it is the first week of August- or as my family knows it- the last week my mother was with us, back in 2008. Mostly I just mope around and feel bad for myself, though i have the forethought to email out a warning/prayer request to lg leaders and lcg...

wednesday and thursday are the worst as I remember the 'terminal delirium' days but Friday- August 6- is generally kinda ok...

I take the day off work and try to be productive, though as usual I mostly watch TV. There's a problem with my phone for some reason, so despite expecting to talk to a lot of family, it's generally pretty quiet (a blessing? possibly?)

I grab coffee with JK --mostly as a good excuse to get out of the house. At Starbucks, I share that despite reflecting on this anniversary, I am must disturbed by the uncertainty of the months ahead. Despite having a job in line (though different because of a change in supervisors), I have yet to sign a lease. And though I am not all that worried about my ability to find a place, even if it's with strangers, my mind just seems clouded somehow when I think about the future. [Does this happen to you? you know what's going to happen tomorrow, next week-- though the details are not clear, the image/outline is there...] There is no outline, not even paths to stare down and choose between. I have hit fog in my future and it worries me.

I put this thought aside the next day, as it is the day of THE event of the summer. Hair done- even used mousse and a blow dryer! Dress picked-out, nails painted- handbag packed- shoes... painful but adorable.

Congrats P.Pete and Gina!!

Let's dance the night away!

And then it's Sunday and P.Seth is back, and then it's Monday and HOLY CRAP I move out in one week, and then it's Tuesday morning and I am going to morning prayer because if I don't KC will be disappointed. But also, I am burdened to pray for this fog...

And I pray -- first praise God, then ask forgiveness, then request. then ask forgiveness for suddenness/urgency of request. (Lord, I'm sorry-- I know everything in You're timing-- but I need an answer yesterday...)

then... tears of course... and fear and confusion... and pushing through-- keep going, fight fatigue...

and then... suddenly everything is clear. It makes sense.

Go home, share with KC-- she goes through those heart check questions-- encourages: keep praying, keep options open.

Ok, I will give it one more day. Last Fopact lg of the summer tonight, share casually with some people, but not whole group-- remember I am keeping options open.

Wake up Wednesday AM- morning prayer... fail. Stay in bed and hit snooze. Each time waking up and praying/reflecting for a few minutes until I fall asleep again. Finally, awake-- I know I have to make this clear. On my knees like we teach children -- elbows on the bed and head bowed-- praying for the alternative. 'Lord, is this REALLY what you want? I'll do what You want, I just want to be sure.'

The answer is clear. Go Home. My heart is ... at ease. It is a strange feeling. I am... happy. and surprised at my happiness. And soo grateful.

but o dear, here is the snag-- I have to tell people, don't I? I can't disappear in the night, can't just pack up and leave tomorrow.

And the next week is suddenly here and gone.

And today is August 18th, and I have just moved out of my apartment on South Campus in Ann Arbor, MI.

And I have (or some male students have) moved my belongings into the home of a friend for the next three days as I finish the work week and await my father's arrival.

And I will be in the UP on Saturday. And I will stay there.
___________________

Method in the Madness. I'll let you know what it is when I figure it out.

Disclaimer: what follows is irreverent. enjoy.

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At red lights I use the rearview mirror to spy on the driver behind me. The first couple times people just stared out the window.

At Hoover and State, we waited through 4 lights to turn left- so the driver behind me just looked more and more frustrated. Though I can't say that with the highest degree of certainty because if the driver in front of me had been spying, they would have seen me rocking out to George Michael's "Faith" by the time the light turned red for the fourth time. (thanks Zizzle. your music mix is like wine- grows better with age and makes me look stupid.)

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A kid at work tried to bribe me into buying a picture he drew for a million quarters. He said if I didn't buy it, he wouldn't behave ever again. This from the 5-year old that thinks Arizonia, Carado, and Kentucket are states. We are a depraved people.

I'm not kidding when I say that. Ten minutes later, I caught a girl with no shoes on and when I asked her where they went, she looked surprised that she wasn't wearing them. As if somehow, you can lose a shoe and not feel the difference while walking.

I love my kids- but they're ridiculous. Maybe that's why I love them.

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I think I have to change my staff profile picture at work though. I had a picture up of me with a friend- because I felt like a loser with just a picture of me since everyone I work with has kids/families. But then today, while telling a parent it was ok if she ran a little late because I wasn't in any big hurry, she mentioned it seemed like I had a partner to get home to.

Crap. The Parents think I'm a lesbian.

Plus side- it's good to know they're open minded with their kids.

Down side- see two lines up.

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Why do we wear socks? Not that I'm complaining... I was just thinking about it. Like-- who decided that something should go on your foot BEFORE your shoe? And why didn't they just make shoes Warmer so you wouldn't NEED socks (if we determine that they are for warmth purposes.)

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A while ago I saw a big fluffed up pigeon sitting on top of a convertible. It was pretty funny.

That being said- I think the only reason I would ever want a camera phone would be to take pictures of random stupid stuff.

But sometimes, I want to take a picture of a person- for a variety of reasons- so that might be creepy.

My sisters say I'm weird a lot. I'm trying to except that as a good thing. Cuz it used to embarrass me. But I am resolved to embrace the weird. weird is good. It's my own little form of normal.

to some extent.

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Speaking of weird, there's this little finger puppet at work that we've been passing between the staff. And when I say passing, I mean hiding in each other's work places to creep each other out.

So far it's been taped to my car door and then stuck on top of my shift stick. (the other teachers think it's fun to steal my keys.)

Seeing as I'm the younger person and don't usually leave the kids for very long- I have resorted to subtler hiding places- in the hood of a jacket... in the snack fridge... and currently hiding in a jar of bubblegum we keep in the closet. That last one is my personal favorite so far.

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I love PBS. Is this genetic? It might be. Currently, I will choose Masterpiece Theater over hulu anyday of the week. Yesterday, I actually spent 3hours watching Hamlet. And understanding what was going on. (I wanted to finish the last half hour, but I was getting too tired and I had to work in the morning)

Maybe I just love the BBC.

Hamlet- David Tennant. Polonius- Patrick Stewart. Awesomeness GALORE.

Speaking of. I LOVE Doctor Who. like... you have no idea.

I have never really been 'in' to something enough to obsess over it. Not BSB, not Hanson... not Lost or Heroes...

But I LOVE Doctor Who.

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alright weird entry. but had a bit of a break (from life) and had quite a long break from writing in general.