On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me.....

a second wii remote and some new dvd'SSSSS

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updated the song a bit :)

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But yeah- did you know the 12 days of Christmas are actually AFTER Christmas? it's the 12 days between Christ's birth and the arrival of the Wise Men... there's a little fun fact for you.

But I was out shopping today, and as I was driving home, that song came into my head for some reason. Why? I think it was the "true love" line...

because honestly, I've spent more money on myself in the last two days then I did for all my Christmas presents for other people. In the context of that song... what does that say about my heart? ughh....

but yeah- i've been meaning to post a more positive entry, but haven't really sat down to write it yet. no worries though - break is going well, just doing a lot of thinking....

Everyone I know that doesn't go to HMCC seems to be falling apart.

the reminder that I'm not the center of the universe is helpful, but seriously...

what is going on???

more later.

no good

lately my 'edit posts' section is starting to fill up with 1-2 sentence drafts, but i have yet to finish a thought.

partially it's because i'll start typing something because I don't want to be studying/praying/doing something else i should do. But then I realize I (1) don't have anything to say and (2) am just wasting time.

We all know that saying "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"
for me- I'm trying to learn it this way: "if you can't say anything meaningful, don't say anything at all."

It seems a bit silly when there are so many other things that I could be working on in life... but I think taking an account of frivolity in life could really help me in gaining a perspective on what my priorities are.

'having fun' really is my downfall. not to say that i can never laugh or smile... but that I use social activities as an excuse to put off work and a shield to block out pain/thought..

I feel like I've been hanging onto the edge of the shallow end of a pool. That there's something awesome out there in the deep end- waiting for me to just swim out... but I just can't make it past that part where I'm on tiptoe to touch the bottom. At some point- I have to just believe that there's no weights tied to my ankles when I make that next step. At some point- I need to know that even though my head might go under ocassionally, that water is still keeping me afloat, no matter how deep.

ugh... trite i know. but, given that it's 3am and i'm in a literary funk, I'd say I'm letting it pass this time. now to get some sleep so that i don't sleep through work (again)


PS- SJC, RuthyG, Imac baby- omg I love you and am so excited for you all. Karen- thanks for my first crepes experience. Possibly the reason I'm still awake writing right now. Awesome!

something new to learn today:

it is so easy to write and write and write and say absolutely nothing at all.