I am not a robot.

in which Rachael waxes philosophical on Obedience. (from an earlier journal entry...)

In prayer, I ask God: "use me, make me, teach me, help me..." I ask for guidance, direction, vision...
But I ask without faith. Why??

Because my soul desires separation from the earthly plane? it prays: "God, take away the burden of will, of consciousness, of thought."

"take away this humanity"

I've been struggling with this inconsistency... Why do I need to be obedient? Why is compliance necessary for healthy growth? Shouldn't that be coming naturally with an all-powerful God?
NO (unfortunately)

What is humanity without the ability to make a choice? Doesn't thought and will separate us from animals?

God made us in His own image- an image of a being that would gladly follow Him. God made a good place of this earth and built us as its caretakers.

Did sin enter in as a flaw? a loophole?

It cannot be that a perfect being, THE Perfect Being, created an imperfect thing.

So sin was purposeful? (It does work well as a plot twist)

Could it be that God let that snake whisper to Eve, knowing the evil that would taint the entire world, because in order to be glorified, we'd have to see what is worse to understand what is greater?

My head tells me that is a pretty cruel trick on the world.
My flesh tells me this "God" is just one big Machiavelli.

My faith tells me anthropomorphism isn't really applicable to our Heavenly Father.
Beyond that- who am I to decide what I deserve?
Am I pure and perfect, somehow able (on my own) to avoid being tainted by sin?
Am I God?

Of course not.

But I am not a robot either. I can't give up my humanity when I decide to follow God.

It is always there- haunting me.

There's that phrase; "allowing God to work." I never understood it.

But it has nothing to with limits on God's power, does it?

It is entirely about the far-reach of my weakness.

So the real question is not "Why do I need to be obedient" but "Is my faith so weak that I cannot/do not respond in obedience?"

something to think about....

This has been bothering me for forever!! verses 5-7 keep popping into my head, but I couldn't remember where they were from.... never occured to me to check Biblegateway :-\

interesting this passage is about One's calling... no wonder it's been bothering me.

2 Peter 1: 3-11 (NIV)

Making One's Calling and Election Sure

3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

10Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, 11and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

It's been almost a month since I wrote anything down here, though I think I've started to write something at least 4 times and never quite seem to finish...

Easily distracted? possibly.

Mostly it's because finishing a thought requires more than shallow reflection.

anyway... saying that, I don't really feel like finishing this one... more later.