I am not a robot.

in which Rachael waxes philosophical on Obedience. (from an earlier journal entry...)

In prayer, I ask God: "use me, make me, teach me, help me..." I ask for guidance, direction, vision...
But I ask without faith. Why??

Because my soul desires separation from the earthly plane? it prays: "God, take away the burden of will, of consciousness, of thought."

"take away this humanity"

I've been struggling with this inconsistency... Why do I need to be obedient? Why is compliance necessary for healthy growth? Shouldn't that be coming naturally with an all-powerful God?
NO (unfortunately)

What is humanity without the ability to make a choice? Doesn't thought and will separate us from animals?

God made us in His own image- an image of a being that would gladly follow Him. God made a good place of this earth and built us as its caretakers.

Did sin enter in as a flaw? a loophole?

It cannot be that a perfect being, THE Perfect Being, created an imperfect thing.

So sin was purposeful? (It does work well as a plot twist)

Could it be that God let that snake whisper to Eve, knowing the evil that would taint the entire world, because in order to be glorified, we'd have to see what is worse to understand what is greater?

My head tells me that is a pretty cruel trick on the world.
My flesh tells me this "God" is just one big Machiavelli.

My faith tells me anthropomorphism isn't really applicable to our Heavenly Father.
Beyond that- who am I to decide what I deserve?
Am I pure and perfect, somehow able (on my own) to avoid being tainted by sin?
Am I God?

Of course not.

But I am not a robot either. I can't give up my humanity when I decide to follow God.

It is always there- haunting me.

There's that phrase; "allowing God to work." I never understood it.

But it has nothing to with limits on God's power, does it?

It is entirely about the far-reach of my weakness.

So the real question is not "Why do I need to be obedient" but "Is my faith so weak that I cannot/do not respond in obedience?"