update

hey all--

I have a lot of ideas for things to say kicking around in my head, but I'm gonna have to wait a few more days to post (at least one of) them. My laptop is currently waiting until a new charger comes from Apple- so it's incapacitated. And the family computer has... privacy issues? Being that it is a public computer and I am a private person.

haha. Anyway- I'm alive and working (a little) and bumming around most of the time. Also I've been taking pictures of some of the sights, which will be coming when I have access to my files again!

Short news: Survived my first day substituting, Went as a super-sweet Ernie for Halloween (big sis was Bert), Had a big interview but didn't get the job, and... I can't think of anything else at the moment. :)

hehe... but give me a week.

Hope y'all are doing well and sending lots of love through the inter-tubes! :D

Hello!

I took some time off from blogging because I found it has an inverse correlation with my personal journal entries. But I'm working on that :)

I've been working at my old high school -- tutoring for 1.5 hrs after school. It's not much, but I actually am really liking it. Which is especially funny since I vowed never to return there when I left it.

Today I had an interview at the hospital for a unit clerk position. It's a great position and my family really is excited about the interview- but I'd have to give up the tutoring job. (if I'm even offered the position) I was told it might take a month to hear back... so I am really being challenged to pray about what I might do if I do get the offer. I prayed before the interview to do God's will whether or not I got the job... but it didn't strike me until I got into the interview that I might have to sacrifice the tiny part time job that I'd invested in personally.

In other news-- I've got jury duty tomorrow. I'm actually kinda excited... though I have no idea what to expect :)

It'll also be the first time I'll get to see my stepdad since I moved home (there's been schedule conflicts) so I'm looking forward to that...


and here's your inane moment of the day:

how I've been spending my free time=the most EPIC Halloween costume EVAR. (or half of an EPIC set-my sister is knitting her half.)

Saturday.

editor's note: Since I refuse to re-read/re-write anything ever (for the most part) I apologize in advance for rambling.
----

I was woken up this morning by my youngest stepbrother informing me that we were having breakfast and then hauling logs for the wood pile.

Hoping, on the off chance, that my family would forget I was there- I chose to sleep in and miss breakfast.

But no- my dad woke me up an hour later. So I had my glass of OJ while the house smelled like maple syrup and bacon (no leftovers) and headed out into the 40-50 degree weather and grabbed a pair of gloves.



After a couple hours of work- headed back in to wash the sawdust out of my hair and get ready for my cousin's wedding reception. She's been married for almost a year, but they didn't do the big affair, so they've had a couple small receptions to accomodate family schedules.

So I headed out to a town I've never heard of- to her in-laws house. The drive up was gorgeous since the leaves are changing right now

Some mingling and really awesome food later, the wind started to pick up and the wood heater in the garage no longer offered the same amount of comfort, so we said our goodbyes and made our tired way home.

driving home- I definitely felt the urge to sleep as the soreness of hauling logs began to mix with after-effects of cheesy potatoes and pasta salads. But my dad beat me to the punch and as the only other passenger- it is my duty to not fall asleep on the driver.

The View:






and when we were finally back in the house it was time to go play cards with grandma, since we'd said we would at the party.

So over to my grandparents' neighbors' house with my stepmom for 6-person pinochle.

and down into the basement/game room/bar where there's a fridge full of pop and beer and a bar full of snacks and liquor.

And whiskey sours for stepmom and John P (g-rents neighbor), and rum and cokes for me and Ann (his wife) and fresh made popcorn for everyone.

And for three hours on a Saturday night I played cards with people likely three times my age- who swore when they lost a hand and teased/hassled each other when their teammates didn't pull through for them. And told stupid jokes and repeated stories while the Tigers and Twins raced for a win.

A grand slam in the first as we were just beginning. A few more runs as we finish the first game. We have to keep telling grandpa to pay attention because he's looking through me to watch the game.

The popcorn becomes mini-babyruth's and butterfingers and the Tigers catch up in the 5th.

The boys team (John, Gpa, and stepmom) are playing similarily as they begin each game with negative or single digits, but surge from a 40-pt difference to 3-pts ahead, but still lose in the end by only 3 or 4. [The only difference here is at time of writing- the Tigers/Twins game is still tied in the 12th]

And after three games and FINALLY a guys-team victory- we call it a night.

And say our goodbyes and head home, where my dad is out working in the garage listening to some weird easy listening station- preparing his ATV's for deer camp.



There are some days when I am all alone and I get really bored. And there are some days when I can't get away from people long enough to catch a breath.

But despite mandatory hard labor and mingling with strangers- I love the fall days when the air is brisk and the leaves are changing. And food is always warm and no one is in a hurry, but we're all busy doing something.

And I love the opportunity to sit at the table with people 2 to 3 times my age and see that -despite deserving of respect as my elders- they're not that different from me when it comes to sitting down with friends and playing a game of cards.

I've got a job!

It's only 1.5 hrs a day- but who cares?? I start Monday!!

Thank you Jesus!!


more later...

on a more serious note... could use some feedback.

My family has been involved with this program that provides shelter for the homeless in the winters here, by getting different churches to volunteer a week at a time- opening the buildings and providing meals/security/etc. [It's really an AWESOME program, and great to see how much the community supports it]

I was assisting my stepmom paint the kitchen/cafe area of the church leading the efforts- and I overheard the pastor complaining about the licensing procedures with the health department and such.

He sighed and said "i'm giving in to Satan"

and I thought to myself... he must be referring to the complaining...

but then he continued by clarifying.. 'the state is Satan.'

and I got confused.

"It's the church's responsibility to feed the poor, and why should the state have any say in it? Jesus didn't need a permit to feed the 5000." He said.

To be perfectly honest, I don't know the whole story... but I was a little offended... and it struck me as a little incorrect.

And I will admit-- my Biblical knowledge is lacking. (I'm working on it.) but it doesn't make sense to me to say that the gov't (that pays disabilities and soc. security and welfare and such) should have no oversight of an organization providing for the needs of the poor and homeless.

I do believe that one day the Church will be able and WILLING to absolutely provide for those in need, without any assistance from a secular governing body.

But in the meantime, here's my question:

How much autonomy should a church (as an organization) have from the political/legal governing body? -Biblical references would be helpful-

Sock weather and things I love about my hometown (pt.2)

I love that my dad's basement has linoleum. Since it's sock and sweater weather now- it's perfect for saving a few steps by sliding across the floors. it's not much... but I'm always a little hesitant to start wearing socks in general- so some enjoyment of it makes the adjustment easier.

And in other news, Here's a story continuing in my "Things I love about my hometown" segment:

My dad is selling his old house.

Paul- our postman and the father of my sister's classmate- wears a blue tooth headset when he's on his route. Since he knew we weren't living at the old house (but hadn't forwarded our address yet) he gave my dad a call when there was a package waiting there.

Since my dad works 50 miles away, I went into town- picked up the 'sorry we missed you' slip- and called Paul.

And then drove to his current location to pick up my mail.

In a large city, it's suspicious when a person parks their car behind the postal truck and waits awkwardly for the postman to get back.

In my hometown- not so much... especially considering the block he was on is home to my dentist, three childhood friends, and a house we rented when I was in third grade.



Sorry-- this story is kind of pointless, but I wanted to share anyway :)

Crater Face

http://vimeo.com/11414910

So cute :)

mini-rant of the day (actual proper unrelated post coming later)

I am sure that this is a great bank, and that they clearly only serve the LP... but I keep seeing this ad on hulu... and it's starting to bother me.

Why?- you might ask.

Merely because it seems to imply Michigan is shaped like _one_ hand. And if you only serve the lower peninsula- who cares what the logo looks like... but I'd prefer a little recognition of our existence.

Anywayyyy... i had a longer post that I'll be writing soon. And hopefully, I'll remember to take my camera with me when I go into town again, so more pictures are coming.

Hope you're enjoying your own little corner of the world! (hand-shaped or otherwise... ^_^ )













source

things i like about my hometown (pt.1)

Today I went to register as a substitute teacher.

I went in to the office building -in the middle of a residential neighborhood-- that used to be my elementary school. ( I was a little bummed to see the place we used to have recess is now a parking lot-- but it's been that way for about 8 years... so I am adjusting.)

The woman at the desk is a friend of my dad's, so when she told me I would need a transcript for my application, she asked if I could get a copy online.

Yep-- of course.

'oh okay-- you can just come around the desk then and use my computer.'

Which is how I found myself sitting behind the front desk of the school district's administration building. While she got some other work done in the next room.

It was kind of ridiculous and also really cool.

Maybe it's a 'you had to be there' moment... but I love these small-town moments because it reminds me of the benefits of trusting and loving communities.

Sure, this might have only happened because she's a friend of my father's-- but I like to imagine a world where you can trust strangers.





While I'm on the topic of connections, I went in to drop off an application at the high school for a tutor position, and the assistant superintendent stepped out of her office to ask about which positions I am applying for. (I know her only slightly because she was in that job when my mom was working as well...)

It doesn't mean my chances are better or anything... but I am blessed to know that people are aware I'm searching, and willing to help :)



God bless you all! I hope OCR and the beginning of school went well for those of you in AA (or that you're enjoying the recent population surge in the city if you're not in school)

and for everyone else, Happy Fall!! It came to the UP really suddenly, so the leaves haven't turned yet-- but I'm going to have to find my fleece jacket soon. and start wearing socks again :-/

Gazebo

Happy September!


My dad and stepmom had this gazebo built for their wedding.


It's set pretty far back from the house-- just about as far as you can get.

I hadn't noticed before... but there's a pond out back. I think it's connected to the river? I didn't do much exploring.

I actually came out to do some reflecting. It's surprising how easy it is going stir-crazy with no one to talk to (of my own age)-- but it was a good catalyst to spend some time with God- something I had been missing out on in the last few days.


Bonus- Paddy came out to keep me company/act as a backrest. She's pretty old- so I think she just wanted a reason to sit in the shade.


But yeah-- I'm going to try to get some more photos up. Lots of things to say and etc, but some illustrations would be useful as well :)

conviction

So it's been a week here in the U.P.

The drive went smoothly on Saturday and I have been unpacking/filling out job applications this past week.

I think I've been delaying this post a bit because every time I get the urge to write something down, it's a complaint about something my stepbrothers did that irked me or some criticism of how things are run here.

But it seems this is only highlighting my own human failings- pride, selfishness, etc...

It's definitely strange moving from autonomy to dependence on others.

But on the other hand, I can't imagine it's easy on my stepbrothers or parents to have an additional person in the house. They're losing their guestroom, the boys have a girl in the house (who isn't their mother),

and it seems in this first week - that all decisions about who can have friends over- and when- and what constitutes 'behaving properly' fall to my final call.

That being said-- I think the challenge that has become clear to me in this past week is entirely about conviction. Not only in following my calling and vision for the future-- but in the everyday details.

How convicted am I about the 17-yr old drinking alcohol with his friends? In AA, it was clearly wrong. wrong enough that I avoided drinking around younger people. Here, it's socially quite common, if not expected and accepted. And honestly, if people are acting responsibly, I don't seem to have much of a problem with it.

But then again, no matter how responsible a person is (and I have to admit- it only takes one irresponsible person to cause major damage) a law is a law isn't it??

So how hard am I on this particular case? Because if he were to ask-- I'd say yes, my 21st bday was not the first time I tried alcohol. but no, I don't think he should be doing it.

It's a slippery slope-- I make personal choices-- do I impose them on others (who do not believe the same things I do?) Is following the letter of the law more important than building a trusting and open relationship with family members?

Though I've never been a go-with-the-flow kind of person, I've always tried to avoid making waves.

I think this is going to be one of those long term lessons-- holding to conviction and making it known.

Unpacking

So it's been nearly a week here in the U.P.

I'm still unpacking a bit-- mostly finding room for the random things at the moment. And realizing how many random 'things' there are.

It's interesting, going through the boxes and totes, to realize how much of the stuff I've been carrying with me are memorabilia from the past. (and how much of it is straight up junk)

My dad is selling his old house so all of the games and holiday decorations and pictures are now piled up in the basement storage.

Combine that with the inevitable edition of kids toys, photo albums, MORE decorations, and other childhood memories that will eventually be moved out of my stepdad's home (as he is now married and retired and the house is nearly out of space despite only two people living there) ....and I am beginning to see what a lifetime looks like by material standards.

But that isn't really what I meant to talk about.

Home at last-- Saturday evening :)














There (was) a bug on the wall. I tried to get a close up, but my camera skills are weaksauce. The weird bug was weird-- even in my stepmother had never seen it before. Sadly, weird bug is no more.


and on the subject of bugs-- I'm going to have to start wearing long pants (as opposed to skirts) for awhile. Perhaps the bugs don't recognize me as a local yet because they've turned the back of my legs into a snack bar. I think there are at least 10 bites on me at the moment-- in various stages of healing.

Cover Letter

Dear company/organization,

I saw your position posted online and think I would be the perfect employee.

Just trust me on this one. Or read my resume,

And call me for an interview.

seriously. just trust me,

Rachael

--------------
In my own very self-oriented way, I wish this cover letter would be enough.

But apparently I'm not the only person on the planet. Who knew?

a letter to a close friend

Hi Friend :) I originally intended this entry to be an email to a friend who is currently elsewhere. But I've been considering how best to share with everyone -with the limited time I've had-- about my decision process and why it is such a sudden decision.

I have shared with some about wanting to reconnect with my family, about preparing for grad school, about starting a new chapter in life, about finances and burdens and healing. All of these are true and pertinent. But I think there is something deeper connecting them all, and that's a little harder to share.

But I'm trying.
_______________

Dear ----------------

It is August 18th. and my BABY sister is turning 21 on Saturday. Holy crap.

For me, summer has gone really quickly- with fulltime work through June, then home for a week in July, then Excel-- and suddenly it is August and I move out in 18 days!! (this is past tense... though grammatically i know i'm way off right now)

So it is the first week of August... and I am struggling because... it is the first week of August- or as my family knows it- the last week my mother was with us, back in 2008. Mostly I just mope around and feel bad for myself, though i have the forethought to email out a warning/prayer request to lg leaders and lcg...

wednesday and thursday are the worst as I remember the 'terminal delirium' days but Friday- August 6- is generally kinda ok...

I take the day off work and try to be productive, though as usual I mostly watch TV. There's a problem with my phone for some reason, so despite expecting to talk to a lot of family, it's generally pretty quiet (a blessing? possibly?)

I grab coffee with JK --mostly as a good excuse to get out of the house. At Starbucks, I share that despite reflecting on this anniversary, I am must disturbed by the uncertainty of the months ahead. Despite having a job in line (though different because of a change in supervisors), I have yet to sign a lease. And though I am not all that worried about my ability to find a place, even if it's with strangers, my mind just seems clouded somehow when I think about the future. [Does this happen to you? you know what's going to happen tomorrow, next week-- though the details are not clear, the image/outline is there...] There is no outline, not even paths to stare down and choose between. I have hit fog in my future and it worries me.

I put this thought aside the next day, as it is the day of THE event of the summer. Hair done- even used mousse and a blow dryer! Dress picked-out, nails painted- handbag packed- shoes... painful but adorable.

Congrats P.Pete and Gina!!

Let's dance the night away!

And then it's Sunday and P.Seth is back, and then it's Monday and HOLY CRAP I move out in one week, and then it's Tuesday morning and I am going to morning prayer because if I don't KC will be disappointed. But also, I am burdened to pray for this fog...

And I pray -- first praise God, then ask forgiveness, then request. then ask forgiveness for suddenness/urgency of request. (Lord, I'm sorry-- I know everything in You're timing-- but I need an answer yesterday...)

then... tears of course... and fear and confusion... and pushing through-- keep going, fight fatigue...

and then... suddenly everything is clear. It makes sense.

Go home, share with KC-- she goes through those heart check questions-- encourages: keep praying, keep options open.

Ok, I will give it one more day. Last Fopact lg of the summer tonight, share casually with some people, but not whole group-- remember I am keeping options open.

Wake up Wednesday AM- morning prayer... fail. Stay in bed and hit snooze. Each time waking up and praying/reflecting for a few minutes until I fall asleep again. Finally, awake-- I know I have to make this clear. On my knees like we teach children -- elbows on the bed and head bowed-- praying for the alternative. 'Lord, is this REALLY what you want? I'll do what You want, I just want to be sure.'

The answer is clear. Go Home. My heart is ... at ease. It is a strange feeling. I am... happy. and surprised at my happiness. And soo grateful.

but o dear, here is the snag-- I have to tell people, don't I? I can't disappear in the night, can't just pack up and leave tomorrow.

And the next week is suddenly here and gone.

And today is August 18th, and I have just moved out of my apartment on South Campus in Ann Arbor, MI.

And I have (or some male students have) moved my belongings into the home of a friend for the next three days as I finish the work week and await my father's arrival.

And I will be in the UP on Saturday. And I will stay there.
___________________

Method in the Madness. I'll let you know what it is when I figure it out.

Disclaimer: what follows is irreverent. enjoy.

---

At red lights I use the rearview mirror to spy on the driver behind me. The first couple times people just stared out the window.

At Hoover and State, we waited through 4 lights to turn left- so the driver behind me just looked more and more frustrated. Though I can't say that with the highest degree of certainty because if the driver in front of me had been spying, they would have seen me rocking out to George Michael's "Faith" by the time the light turned red for the fourth time. (thanks Zizzle. your music mix is like wine- grows better with age and makes me look stupid.)

------

A kid at work tried to bribe me into buying a picture he drew for a million quarters. He said if I didn't buy it, he wouldn't behave ever again. This from the 5-year old that thinks Arizonia, Carado, and Kentucket are states. We are a depraved people.

I'm not kidding when I say that. Ten minutes later, I caught a girl with no shoes on and when I asked her where they went, she looked surprised that she wasn't wearing them. As if somehow, you can lose a shoe and not feel the difference while walking.

I love my kids- but they're ridiculous. Maybe that's why I love them.

---

I think I have to change my staff profile picture at work though. I had a picture up of me with a friend- because I felt like a loser with just a picture of me since everyone I work with has kids/families. But then today, while telling a parent it was ok if she ran a little late because I wasn't in any big hurry, she mentioned it seemed like I had a partner to get home to.

Crap. The Parents think I'm a lesbian.

Plus side- it's good to know they're open minded with their kids.

Down side- see two lines up.

---

Why do we wear socks? Not that I'm complaining... I was just thinking about it. Like-- who decided that something should go on your foot BEFORE your shoe? And why didn't they just make shoes Warmer so you wouldn't NEED socks (if we determine that they are for warmth purposes.)

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A while ago I saw a big fluffed up pigeon sitting on top of a convertible. It was pretty funny.

That being said- I think the only reason I would ever want a camera phone would be to take pictures of random stupid stuff.

But sometimes, I want to take a picture of a person- for a variety of reasons- so that might be creepy.

My sisters say I'm weird a lot. I'm trying to except that as a good thing. Cuz it used to embarrass me. But I am resolved to embrace the weird. weird is good. It's my own little form of normal.

to some extent.

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Speaking of weird, there's this little finger puppet at work that we've been passing between the staff. And when I say passing, I mean hiding in each other's work places to creep each other out.

So far it's been taped to my car door and then stuck on top of my shift stick. (the other teachers think it's fun to steal my keys.)

Seeing as I'm the younger person and don't usually leave the kids for very long- I have resorted to subtler hiding places- in the hood of a jacket... in the snack fridge... and currently hiding in a jar of bubblegum we keep in the closet. That last one is my personal favorite so far.

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I love PBS. Is this genetic? It might be. Currently, I will choose Masterpiece Theater over hulu anyday of the week. Yesterday, I actually spent 3hours watching Hamlet. And understanding what was going on. (I wanted to finish the last half hour, but I was getting too tired and I had to work in the morning)

Maybe I just love the BBC.

Hamlet- David Tennant. Polonius- Patrick Stewart. Awesomeness GALORE.

Speaking of. I LOVE Doctor Who. like... you have no idea.

I have never really been 'in' to something enough to obsess over it. Not BSB, not Hanson... not Lost or Heroes...

But I LOVE Doctor Who.

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alright weird entry. but had a bit of a break (from life) and had quite a long break from writing in general.