going home

almost time to go home for Thanksgiving. I have to say I'm really excited to be home with my sisters... but also apprehensive about being back in my mom's house. and cooking Thanksgiving dinner without my mom running the show is... weird. and really sad.

Beyond that, Friday night is dinner with my dad's family, so I'm not sure how that's going to go. Last year, we had lasagna then his wife (girlfriend at the time) went to a hockey game with my grandma and my dad (and us girls) watched her kids til it was time to go back to Mom's.

So I guess I'm not sure why I'm excited to go home at all. Maybe for the break from school? Not that it'd be all that different from just simply not going to classes... and really I've got to do more school work up there since I've got a paper due when we get back.

Maybe it'll just be good time to catch up with my sisters. And to start following through on some of my promises to stay focused on God and give Him glory in my life. and time to practice forgiveness towards my father.

In my head, I thought I was doing a better job with that- but then my sister shared something with me today. And yes, it was hilariously awkward. but in context of unforgiveness, it just exposed malice in my heart that I guess I had buried.

That's a weird feeling... malice towards another person. I realize that there are times I love my dad and enjoy the time I spend with him. and there are times when I feel like he is absolutely evil- without cause. The worst of it is recognizing that malice and not only justifying it, but embracing it.

ughhh... alright- this is too confusing to post all of it.

I start seeing a counselor tomorrow. Fun!

Happy Thanksgiving! hopefully the next post(s) will be a bit more cheery- i've got 2-3 saved ideas that only indirectly relate to me. Hopefully they'll get finished soon... kinda getting sick of the emo turn this blog is taking.