Control switch.

i'm taking a break from studying for my 4oclock midterm to give a commentary on yesterday's entry.

Someone said something once about the devil's greatest trick was convincing us he didn't exist.
For me I think it's been convincing me that he does exist.

I think the trick comes in then, that it's not my problem/fault when I'm depressed and feel like I can't do anything. and YES - it isn't my fault. I do have some level of self-worth still.
BUT- when it seems like I can't do anything to get myself out of depression and feel like I just want to sit around and mope, feeling sorry for myself and such- then it becomes my problem. Because I KNOW the truth that God gave us- that He can overcome anything and that life is not in my control, but refusing to trust it gives the devil a new foothold in my life.

In my blindness, allowing myself to be convinced that there was nothing left I could do has been my greatest defeat.

And if I can learn to turn that defeat over to God along with the rest of this broken life, it will be raised as my greatest victory over desire for self-control.

so yesterday I was sad. This morning I barely made it to work- I kept looking for excuses not to go but didn't want to lie. Now, I'm just angry. at demons that can deceive and trick me, at myself for being blind enough to be deceived, and still a little at God for allowing deception. (I'm not perfect, okay?)

fueling my study time with rage and an empty stomach. My academic advisor is not going to be pleased when I see her this afternoon.